суббота, 18 октября 2008 г.

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This is the blog that is a culmination of my last three days of thinking hard about us. At the end of this you can pass your judgments, and I honestly wonapos;t care. Iapos;m sick and tired of hiding who I am to please everyone else. My fear of being wrong, and of not conforming could cost me the man that I love more than anything. Iapos;m tired of hiding. If you donapos;t like it, then thatapos;s your problem, not mine, and Iapos;m tired of acting like it is. Iapos;m tired of being a child that canapos;t accept responsibility, being a child that has to have his way, and doesnapos;t see what he has.

Over the last 3 days Iapos;ve done more thinking than I ever have before, and I did it because Iapos;m about to lose someone that I canapos;t live without. I spent time looking back over our relationship, trying to figure out what went wrong, and I finally found it. I was the problem. I know that sounds horribly depressing, but itapos;s the honest truth. I spent the entire relationship telling you, itapos;s all your fault, you didnapos;t do this, you did this. I never once accepted the fact that I was in the wrong a lot of the time, and that I played stupid little games that didnapos;t need to be played.

Last night was when I REALLY came to the conclusion that it was my fault. I know that you had been telling me for a while that it was, but I was to childish to see it. When you told me that we were over, and that it was because I was a child I started trying to grow up.

I once said that you were the most precious thing to me, and that Iapos;d give anything for you. I still stand by that, and even if youapos;ve given up on us, I wonapos;t. I started by giving up my childish personality, and Iapos;ll keep giving until I have nothing left, because there is nothing in my life that means as much to me as you do.

You told me that your mind says to run, but your heart says to stay. When you said that I had restrain myself from saying FOLLOW YOUR HEART, because I donapos;t want to force you to do anything. I know that what we have is special, and that one day weapos;ll be together. I know that because I couldnapos;t stand to live my life with anyone else now that I know what true love feels like.

You have made me into something so much better than anything I could ever have been. I became a better person because I wanted to be someone worthy of having you. I was serious when I said that you deserved someone better. At the time I was depressed, and didnapos;t believe that I could ever be that kind of man for you, but now that I see what I have done all for you, I think I could one day be good enough for you.

You are an amazing person. You have been through a lot in your life, and Iapos;ve been through some stuff too; but through all of it we found each other. I donapos;t think I could ever just let you go. Iapos;ll keep fighting, even once youapos;ve long given up, because I believe that what we have is worth fighting for, even if itapos;s us against the world.

I canapos;t live without you baby. If the feelings are this strong for me, then I know that you have to feel them too. We all deserve to be happy, like we used to be when weapos;d lay in bed just holding each other. Waking up looking in each otherapos;s eyes. I get depressed every time I contemplate the idea that I may never have that feeling again. You are my everything, and as such, Iapos;ll give everything else if it means I can keep you. I mean that honestly...

I love you baby. Never doubt that. I still believe that somewhere deep down you still love me, and I hold onto that hoping that one day Iapos;ll hear you say it again.

One last thing. Iapos;m sorry. Iapos;m sorry that I never accepted any responsibility for the relationship, Iapos;m sorry that I never grew up, Iapos;m sorry for all those nights that I just assumed that you would come and rescue me, Iapos;m sorry for all of the fights. Most of all... Iapos;m sorry that I ruined us. I wish that I could take it all back and redo everything.

Please give me one more chance baby... I love you.

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